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In miraculous appearance, Saint Michael says angels aren’t actually that envious of Angel’s Envy

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LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Saint Michael, the Archangel of Death, defeater of Satan, and noble guardian of the Gates to Purgatory, announced in a press conference yesterday that the angels of Heaven aren’t really that envious of premium whiskey Angel’s Envy. Michael, who traveled some infinite miles to Earth to make the announcement, said that although Angel’s Envy is a decent whiskey, most angels prefer Jim Beam Devil’s Cut. “Look, Angel’s Envy is good, but God is really into Devil’s Cut right now and we just do what the boss says because you know, the whole eternal damnation stuff.” Michael stated.

The news came as a shock to Angel’s Envy co-owner Wesley Henderson who said he “totally thought angels would be into this bourbon.” It’s unclear what action Angel’s Envy is considering following the disappointing news, although our inside source at the distillery states their marketing team is preparing a prayer in hopes of appealing to the Big Guy in the Sky.

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