FAYETTE COUNTY, KENTUCKY — Jimmy Richards, a longtime area resident and avid big game hunter, announced to random passerby yesterday that he had “high hopes” about filling his Pappy Van Winkle tag this year. Richards, who witnesses described as chipper and aloof, was seen leisurely strolling out of the Nicholasville Rd. Walmart with his hunting license in hand when he made the comment.
Our own local news correspondent Jade Goodard tracked down Richards today outside Liquor Barn, where he was found to be hiding among the bushes dressed in full camouflage. Goodard reports that Richards reeked of vanilla and caramel cover scent and was yelling at the store “Y’all got Pappy yet” while holding his credit card at the ready for an immediate purchase.
“When I approached him, I was quickly overwhelmed by those intoxicating bourbon smells. So alluring! It was clear Mr. Richards was deep into the thrill of the hunt and had thought this through.” Shortly after finding Richards, Goodard reported that a Liquor Barn employee timidly approached the door with an Old Rip Van Winkle 10-Year but was spooked by a passing car. Richards was heard saying that the bottle was “too young anyway” and that he was holding out for the “more mature bottles” of 20- and 23-year Pappy.