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Tater Behavior

Local man-child throws tantrum after liquor store runs out of his favorite “juice”

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COLUMBUS, OHIO — Stomping his feet and flailing his arms wildly, man-child Dave Gibson was reported by witnesses to be having a full on meltdown after discovering local liquor store, Steve’s Spirits, was out of his favorite “juice”. Store patrons also said Gibson was sobbing uncontrollably and screeching loudly like a wild animal. “He had this primal look in his eyes and you could tell he was totally rabid. Snot was running down his face….my four year old was with me and even she was shocked.” said patron Debbie Snyder.

Store owner Steve Howell described the situation as one of the more stressful encounters he’s had in recent months. “Dave is a regular here and we love Dave, but wow, I’ve never seen anyone freak out so hard over Four Roses Single Barrel being out of stock. He kept yelling ‘daddy needs his juice!’ and ‘where’s my juice!'” Howell said. “When I offered him a Knob Creek Single Barrel as an alternative he started screaming ‘it’s not the same! I want my juice!!!’ I couldn’t believe he was being such a toddler.”

Howell says unfortunately they had to remove Gibson from the store but he will be allowed back if he can promise to be on his best behavior going forward.

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