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Leaked e-mails reveal next Woodford “shelf-turd” to come with dusting cloth for extended shelf life



VERSAILLES, KENTUCKY – Recently leaked internal e-mails from Woodford Reserve executives suggest that the next Master’s Collection release will come with a wiping cloth to keep the bottle dust-free and attractive to potential buyers during its expected long stay on liquor store shelves. The e-mails, which were obtained by Bourbon Weekly through highly confidential sources, revealed that many store owners are becoming increasingly wary of ordering “shelf-turds” like Master’s Collection releases due to them occupying crucial space – sometimes up to two years depending on the market — that would otherwise be used to display insanely marked up Buffalo Trace products.

In one e-mail, a Woodford executive speculated that their Master’s Collection, now on its 17th release, may be priced too high for most consumers, leading to slower sales and longer shelf occupancy times. These concerns were quickly dismissed by other executives. “It is the customers who are wrong, not us. $130 is perfectly reasonable for a non-single barrel, non-age stated, ‘batch proof’ version of our regular stuff.” read one e-mail response, referring of course to their most recent Master’s Collection offering.

The dusting cloth will be made of a “luxurious microfiber material” and be affixed to the next release much like a golf towel for easy access by store employees. In another e-mail, Woodford executives expressed certainty that this would help Master’s Collection sales rebound and alleviate concerns from store owners. This remains to be seen, but it is likely other distillers will be keeping a watchful eye on the situation due to their own “shelf-turd” issues. Our deep undercover sources at Wild Turkey revealed that executives there are considering a dusting wipe addition to future Master’s Keep releases assuming all goes well at Woodford. Jim Beam is also reportedly considering a similar concept with their Distiller’s Masterpiece bottlings; however, the cloth will likely be of a camouflage pattern to appeal mostly to their loyal redneck male demographic.

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