PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA — After losing her job as a marketing analyst, Deborah Ballard has reportedly turned to less than reputable activities online in an attempt to make ends meet for her family. Mrs. Ballard, who family described as a good Christian woman with strong morals, was forced to offer up several of her highly-coveted Thomas H. Handys, a rye whiskey from the Buffalo Trace Antique Collection, on Craigslist after the mortgage came due. Although she has applied for unemployment, she states that the expected relief is merely a fraction of what she was earning and hopes selling the Handys online will help. “The unemployment check will barely cover groceries and childcare. I’ve been looking for a job, but in this economy, it’s been challenging.” Ballard said. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, isn’t that what they always say?” she continued.
Mrs. Ballard reported to Bourbon Weekly that since posting her ad offering rare Handys for $380 each, the response has been overwhelming and a bit… unexpected. “After I posted the ad, I received many, too many, unsolicited pictures of, umm…” she shook her head, “…just a ton of penises. I don’t understand if that’s just a Craigslist thing or what. It’s been a bit traumatizing.” Still, Ballard remains hopeful and determined that her Handys will sell. “If they don’t sell on Craigslist, I’m afraid I’ll have to start offering them on Facebook to my friends and family.”