FRANKFORT, KENTUCKY — Amid considerable applause, back-slapping, and fist-pumping, Buffalo Trace executives announced today that the distillery has gone 102 days — a company record — without an employee stealing a bottle, case, or barrel of their ultra rare Pappy Van Winkle offerings. The news follows years of struggles by the distillery to reign in employee thefts of the highly-coveted bourbon that is often resold on Craigslist or “black market” sites for insane prices.
Our investigative reporter, Tuck Plowdery, spoke with Buffalo Trace Director of Loss Prevention Frank Roberts after the announcement to learn just what steps the distillery has been taking to reduce Pappy thefts. “After Pappygate, we started twice daily peer-based cavity searches for all employees, random vehicle inspections by our security guard Jimmy, and occasionally, I’ll find an employee and I’ll point at my eyes, squint a little bit, and point my fingers back at them and say ‘I’m watching you’. That keeps them pretty spooked up really.” Roberts said.
When asked why the distillery doesn’t just implement more rigorous employee screening, access control systems, cameras, or some other modern personnel security measures, Roberts said, “Look we don’t want to cut into our bottom line too much. Plus, these employee heists keep the hype alive and divert attention away from the fact that all Pappy Van Winkle is no longer really that special as it stopped being sourced Stitzel-Weller bourbon several years ago. Oh damn, did I say that out loud? Don’t quote me there…let’s start over. Ahem, we are working to implement these security measures in the coming years. Pappy is still very good and super exclusive and definitely not just regular ol’ bourbon from the Buffalo Trace wheated mashbill. It’s definitely worth the $450 to $2,300 you’ll pay to own one. Definitely.”
UPDATE: We received word that shortly after the press announcement, Buffalo Trace reported six missing cases of Pappy Van Winkle 15-Year to the Franklin Co. Sheriff. Rumors speculate the theft occurred while everyone was away attending the press conference.